A little more of a mommy each day

My daughter (she's 4) and I had a significant milestone yesterday and I'd like to share the little story. Sorry for the length, but i couldn't put it any other way.

We were at a children's clothing store and it was that part of the evening when kids start to get restless. I prepped her for the 'shop visit', telling her that we were only going in to buy 'x' thing and nothing more. She agreed.

I didn't, however, account for the dominant 'shopping' gene I'd passed on to her. As soon as she entered the store, she found a pretty pair of shoes she wanted, tried them on, pranced around in them and excitedly told me that she simply had to have them. In my best 'mommy-means-business' tone, i told her that while the shoes were very pretty, we couldn't buy them. She then wanted a bouncy pogo ball and then something else. I countered them all with a polite but firm 'not today.'

And then started the tantrum - which went on all the way for the next 2 hours, i lost my temper, she cried louder and we had a very adolescent-parent-like stand off for the remainder of the evening.  Butt the incident was soon forgotten over our late evening walk and dinner time.
Now comes the good part.

It's bedtime. I'm tucking her in and thats the time we forget everything else thats happened in the day and cuddle, sing soft songs and tell each other how much we love one another. In her tiny voice and with a pensive expression, she says 'mamma, you know, i was feeling quite tired this evening, which is why i cried in that store. I didn't really want those shoes. I was just tired and wanted to go home and didn't know how to tell you. Why did you scream at me?'

Silence. Did my daughter just reflect on her behaviour and have the insight to tell me what was really going on for her?

It was a moment of immense connection. I held her tiny face in my hands and said, 'I'm so sorry i didn't realise you were tired, i didn't know how to deal with your tantrum and just wanted you to stop crying. I promise to do better next time and understand you. I'm learning to do things too, along with you.'
'That's ok mamma, we'll do it differently tomorrow.'

So, mums, i know there are a bunch of lessons for me here... I'm glad she can articulate what she's feeling, I'm glad she is such a sensitive, insightful little girl. Im glad she forgave me and we could start over new this morning. I'm ashamed by how my anger affects her and i will always remember the hurt i caused her. I'm glad she felt she could talk to me and unburden before she drifted off to sleep. i'm glad to know that its never too late to do things differently with my child. I'm glad our connection is 'real' (yes there is anger, frustration and all those things mammas are perhaps not supposed to be), and there is space to be all those things too.

I'm glad for the moments we grow as mother and daughter each day.

Get in touch, book an appointment

To book a counselling appointment, mail me at: krithika.akkaraju@gmail.com

All counselling enquiries and subsequent sessions will be conducted in complete confidence.

Do feel free to mail me if you have any questions pertaining to counselling, my practice or related topics. I will try my best to answer them!

Who is a counsellor?

A counsellor:

- is someone who usually has a background in psychology, clinical psychology, counselling psychology or specialised counselling skills training

- is specially trained to listen actively and attentively to everything you say

- is trained in techniques that can help you work through your emotional distress

- listens without judgement and bias

- keeps everything you say confidential

- is a stranger who can listen to your problem/issue from a fresh/different perspective

Counselling for your child: what to expect

What you should know

Although each therapist has his/her own way of working with children, these are some of the broad aspects to counselling for children. It may differ from therapist-to-therapist.

• The parent/s/guardians are an integral part of the counselling process, but the primary 'client' is your child.

• As it is with counselling for adults, each session is roughly 55 minutes long.

• It is preferred that both parents/guardians are part of the counselling process with the child (the counsellor will explain how this works). This goes a long way in ensuring that the issue is addressed holistically.

• Do remember that the counsellor is your therapeutic partner in addressing your child's concerns/issues. An open and honest relationship between you and the counsellor will go a long way in addressing your child's needs. You should be able to talk to the counsellor about anything.

The first session: 

 - The parent/s/guardians will initially meet the counsellor alone and understand how the counselling process works. The parents can discuss their questions/concerns with the counsellor at this time. The child is generally not called in for the first session.

- The counsellor will ask you some questions about your reasons for seeking counsellor for your child and also take down some details about you, your child and family, etc. This helps the counsellor understand your situation better.

- You have every right to know how the counselling process works and the broad approach the counsellor will use for counselling your child. Please use this time to ask the counsellor any questions you might have. 

- The counsellor will guide you on how you can explain the counselling process to your child and prepare him/her (address fears, apprehensions, stigma etc.) before entering therapy. 

• Subsequently and gently, your child will start seeing the therapist by himself/herself (there might be exceptions if the child is very small). 

• Depending on the age of the child and your level of comfort, you will be asked to wait outside the counsellor's room while the session is in progress, or you may drop/pick up the child to the session (if the child is old enough).

• Depending on the issue being addressed, the counsellor will generally meet with you (the parent/s/guardian) once every 3-4 sessions that are had with the child to inform you of the progress.

• Remember, the same tenets of client-therapist confidentiality apply to your child's counselling sessions as well.   

Any questions? Mail me at: krithika.akkaraju@gmail.com

About Me

Hi, I'm Krithika Akkaraju. I'm a graduate in Psychology, an MBA post graduate and a professionally trained and certified counsellor (from Parivartan).

I've worked in the corporate sector for over seven years as a communications specialist and as a counsellor for over three years. It was during my corporate stint that i realised my interests lay more in understanding the behaviour of individuals and working with them to promote wellness and emotional health.

I have an independent counselling practice in Koramangala and am also affiliated with Innersight Counselling Centre and HealtheMinds (an online counselling portal).

I work with adults (18-65) and children (above the age of 5) to address their counselling needs.



To book an appointment, mail me at: krithika.akkaraju@gmail.com

Location, Charges for Counselling Sessions

Location

All counselling sessions are held at:
142, 3rd Main, Koramangala 1st Block, Bangalore 560034, India

This is a professional and not a home set up. Sessions will be held in confidence.

How to get there: https://www.google.co.in/maps/search/sbi+koramangala/@12.933221,77.6321925,14z/data=!3m1!4b1

Fee 

My charges are Rs.600/- for a 60 minute session. However, this is negotiable if the client is facing financial constraints. This needs to be discussed prior to commencement of the sessions.

What a Counsellor is Not

A counsellor is not:

- a miracle worker/magician/mind reader. A counsellor needs your help to understand the problem that's bothering you.

- a doctor who prescribes medication. This is only done by someone who has a medical degree.

- a dictator. As a client, you need not submit meekly to everything the counsellor asks you to do. Always question and seek clarity if something's bothering you.

- a friend, partner or relative. A counsellor is a professional who is specially trained to help individuals work through emotional/psychological issues. A counsellor will therefore hesitate to interact with you socially outside of the counselling room as this would violate the boundaries of your professional relationship.